I have said it before, but it's coming up over and over and in full force.
Grief is confusing.
One minute I'm realizing I don't have my mother at Christmas and thinking my chest will break.
The next minute, I'm realizing I don't have my mother at Christmas and a small wave of relief whispers over me and the guilt hits me between the eyes.
Therefore, I'm resurrecting my "word of the year" from 2011.
"The act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result."
I'm declaring December to be a month of intention for myself in the form of journaling and thinking.
The words need to go somewhere, the thoughts need to be released. What better way than an art journal? I have been working on a meditative way to journal and am enjoying it.
Lots of repetition is used, focusing on a word or phrase, and as the repetition progresses, the thought process flows.
I'm also using free writing on a couple of pages and going back over the words and circling different words that keep cropping up, or outlining words with the most passion.
I'm also being intentional about giving my dog her medicine and walking her. The family is rallying and so far no doors have been harmed in the process.
Along with Intention, Christmas is happening in baby steps.
It started with a candle this last weekend. It seemed doable to put this pretty candle from Anthropologie out and maybe, sort of, think about decorating.
Baby step number two:
I have had some each day and it is a good thing.
Baby step number three:
I added my favorite Christmas mug.
This always helps:
If you are journaling this month,
leave a link in the comments so we can come and see!!
We can encourage each other through this time to see the joy and goodness and HOPE for the season and that we are not alone in our progress.
I have two art shows coming up this weekend-one Saturday, December 1 in Santa Ana for the Santa Ana Art Walk. I'll be in Studio Crescendoh from 7-10:00 p.m.
The second one is Artists in the Alley on Sunday, December 2 from 12-7:00 p.m. It is located next to Augie's Coffee House...in the alley!
If you are in the area for either show, please stop by and say hello!